


slow motion

by miracleboysatori



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Diary/Journal, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-25 19:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20729369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miracleboysatori/pseuds/miracleboysatori
Summary: A fic about the progression of Ushijma and Tendou's relationship through high school, depicted in multiple journal entries and attempted confession letters.





	slow motion

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY USHITEN WEEK, this is why I haven't posted anything in a long time, I've been preparing for this fanweek. In 2016 and 2017, I made art every single day for the fanweek, this year I'm switching it up and writing fic instead! 
> 
> This is an idea I've had in the back of my mind for a while, but I kept putting it off because I wasn't super confident in my ability to accurately depict the way these two might write journal entries. I'm pretty comfortable with both of their POVs nowadays, so with one of the day one prompts being 'confessions', this felt like the perfect time to try it! 
> 
> It's also at least a little bit inspired by [this fanart that a friend of mine did a while ago](https://thehauntedboy.tumblr.com/post/155505058391). I think about it a lot and it makes me Feel Things.
> 
> The title comes from ['slow motion' by flor](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdCJqN7vyLU), one of my current favorite songs. It's cute, and you should give it a listen!
> 
> I hope you enjoy! As a reminder, I don't have a beta, but I'll look over this in a few days and check for mistakes. For now, I apologize in advance for any that are there. Because of how much and how fast I was writing the past couple weeks, there may be more than normal, but I really hope not!
> 
> ALSO! I hope it's clear who's writing each entry. Each set is divided by a plus sign, Tendou's POV is always first, Ushijima's is second. The dashes designate a new topic/new day, hopefully that makes sense ;; 
> 
> Thanks for reading ;; ♡

Ushijima,  
I am writing this note to tell you that it was really nice to meet you at volleyball practice! Sorry for the creased notebook paper, it’s all I had when I decided to write this! Thanks for saying hello today and asking me about myself and wanting to know my favorite brand of volleyball and kneepads and all that stuff, it was awesome! Sorry I didn’t really have any answers, I was kinda distracted by how <strike>amazing</strike> <strike>awesome</strike> <strike>cool</strike> nice you were, I am realizing now that this letter is kinda creepy, goodbye! (￣▽￣)ノ

+

Tendou Satori,  
I enjoyed our time together at practice this evening. I am not much for words but I wanted to thank you for talking to me about volleyball. I am usually much better at expressing my thoughts through writing rather than vocally. I am not sure how interested you were in our conversation, so I would like to extend an offer for you to lead our interactions next time. We can talk about your interests. I enjoyed the way you became excited while mentioning your fascination with Shounen Jump. I’ll admit I am not very interested in the topic but I would like to hear you laugh like that again.

\-----

Hey Ushijima!  
Sorry for slipping that fart bomb in your locker the other day, I thought it was Semi’s! But man, it sure did stink, huh?! Not that you liked that part, I’m sure your stuff still smells really bad but I can do laundry for you if you want! I need to wash my own stuff anyway, it’s been a while. That’s kinda gross, you didn’t need to know that! But I’m not gross, promise! Okay maybe a little, I _did_ try to prank Semi with a fart bomb. I forgot where I was going with this letter and now I’m distracted from homework, so I’m going to fold it into an airplane and send it on a mission to trashland! (ノ_<。)

+

Tendou Satori,  
I wanted to let you know that I was not angry about the fart bomb incident, although my reaction probably gave that impression. I am confused as to why something like that would be amusing, and I’m not sure how you confused my locker with Semi’s, but I do not hold any resentment towards you. In fact, even though the situation itself did not amuse me, I was happy to see you smile and laugh like that, until you realized your mistake. Somehow, for a moment, I felt willing to be the victim of your pranks anytime if it means seeing you like that. I hope that is not strange to you, as I would wish the same for any of my teammates.

\-----

Ushijima!  
(・∀・)ノ Hey, I promise I’m not mad about you hitting me in the face with a volleyball! You were just working hard during practice and that’s okay! I don’t mind being the target of your spikes, even if it does hurt. A lot. I think my nose might be permanently crooked now. But it’s okay, I’m not mad! The doctor on campus said I might have to stay at the infirmary for a little bit, which means I get to skip practice for at least a day. I hope Tanji won’t be upset! But it’ll be nice to get to skip out on stretches and stuff! Actually you might disagree, huh? Ushijima Wakatoshi the volleyball nut and rule follower would never wanna skip out on that stuff! Not that that’s a bad thing, I think it’s totally cool! You’re cool, Ushijima! Well, I don’t want to annoy you or upset you so I’m going to stuff this into my notebook and forget I wrote it.

+

Tendou,  
I cannot apologize enough for my accident at practice tonight. It was never my intention to hit you in the face with my spike. Unfortunately you were standing directly in its direction, and not paying too much attention. I know you were talking to Semi, and that you like to exchange jokes with him, but I think it’s important for you to focus during practice. I’m not suggesting that it’s entirely your fault that this happened, and I hope my words don’t come across that way. Though I know you could have potentially avoided it, I also feel quite guilty. I don’t want to harm any of my friends, and that includes you. I do not want this note to make you feel responsible for my guilt, and I’m not sure how to word these sort of things. I’m not certain that I will actually give you this. I will most likely add it to the collection that is folded in my desk.

\-----

Ushijima~  
You totally didn’t have to visit me in the infirmary!! It was a really nice surprise, I just didn’t expect you to do that! Sorry I was kinda sleeping, the doctor told me that if I sleep a lot I’ll get through the pain in my nose. It sounds like I’ll be out of here tomorrow! To be honest I kinda like having an excuse to miss practice, but it’s weird… I really miss you! When you came to visit, it felt like all the pain in my face went away, like poof! Well, I feel a little like that whenever we get to talk and hang out and stuff, but I wonder if that’s weird? I dunno, I just like being your friend! It’s nice to have friends, especially ones that will hit me in the face with a volleyball! (That’s a joke, Ushijima, in case you couldn’t tell~) I kinda wish you’d come visit again, right now, but it’s late and I need sleep. You’re probably sleeping right now, huh? I don’t think I’m going to give this to you after all, it seems kinda pointless, but hey! My little pile of notes is growing! I dunno if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.... Σ(°△°|||)

+

Tendou,  
I apologize for visiting your bed in the infirmary after practice. I should have given you prior notice, that way I would not have woken you and disturbed you. I was concerned about you after seeing the condition of your face, especially your nose. It was not my intention to cause you pain, though I know I mentioned that in my last note. A note that I never gave you. I’m beginning to wonder why I’m writing these notes when I don’t have the courage to actually hand them to you. I’m also not sure _why_ I am so nervous. We are friends, and friends should be able to do these kinds of things, right? I suppose I’m afraid that my words will come across wrong, as I’m quite bad at expressing my emotions, though I feel them just as much as anyone else. It is often hard for me to understand them. Regardless, I hope that your pain has subsided. I look forward to playing together again. As frustrating as your blocking skills are, the challenge is always refreshing.

\-----

Wakatoshi!  
Is it cool if I call you that?! I know you said it was okay at the karaoke club last night, but I feel like I need to make sure again! You can totally call me Satori if you want, I’d actually really like that, but you don’t have to! Whatever makes you comfortable! ┐(￣∀￣)┌ Anyway, it was really funny to hear you sing -- I don’t mean that in a bad way, oops, not funny in a mean kind of way, just funny in an entertaining way! I could tell you were super nervous because you were so quiet, the music was waaaaay louder than you. So stiff too! Loosen up next time, I promise you’ll do great! And if not, then that’s okay, it’s all about having fun! (･ω<)☆ Eita’s a terrible singer and he still has fun! (Don’t tell him I said that.) Not that I’m saying you’d be terrible, because I don’t think you would be, you’ve got a nice deep voice so I’m sure that would translate well into singing! Now that I mention it, your voice is super relaxing! Whenever we get to talk I feel like all the stress in my body sorta fades away! Is that creepy? I mean, I’m totally not going to give you this letter anyway, but still. I like hearing you talk, and sometimes I wish you’d talk more. It’s okay that you don’t!! It’s just… I dunno, you have a nice voice, Wakatoshi. I’m just writing in circles here, huh?

+

Tendou,  
I had a nice time with the team tonight. I especially appreciate your encouragement to join in with the activities. I was quite nervous, as I’m sure you could tell. I have never sung in front of people before, and I’m always quite uncomfortable in situations where I’m unfamiliar as far as doing something correctly. However, you were adamant about having fun and ignoring the nerves. I’m not certain that I successfully got rid of them, but I do know that having your encouragement made the night much more enjoyable. The way I’m writing this makes it seem like the rest of the team didn’t cheer me on as well. They did, they always do, there’s just… something about the way you chant my name -- I apologize, I’m reading this over and realizing how strange it is. I’m not sure what I’m trying to say. I’m not sure why I’m writing just you and not the rest of our teammates. I care equally about everyone that I’m friends with. I will not be giving this to you anyway, I just needed to write down what I’m thinking about after this evening. Lately, I’ve needed to empty my thoughts in this way. I’m not certain why. It seems like a waste of time and paper, but if it helps, it helps.

\-----

Wakatoshi!!  
Thanks sosososooooo much for dropping by my dorm room tonight!! ( ; ω ; ) I hope my talk about Shounen Jump wasn’t annoying! You didn’t seem annoyed, and I feel like I can read you pretty well these days, but if you ever wanna talk about something else then please tell me! I like to know what’s going on inside that noggin of yours~ And hey!! We should make this sorta thing a regular event! I promise I’ll clean up the dorm a little bit next time, that way you won’t have to squeeze next to me on my bed. Which I don’t mind! Sitting that close to you isn’t a big deal! You’d probably like more space though, huh? I dunno, it feels like ever since karaoke night we’ve gotten a lot closer! In fact, like I said tonight, I think I’d call you one of my best friends at this point, Wakatoshi! Congratulations! (☆▽☆) That last thing was a joke, but really, thanks for being such a good friend. You’ve always been super accepting and open-minded and not everyone in my life has been that way. UGH I wish I had the oomph to actually give you this letter!!! Oh well, I can tell you in person how thankful I am. Sometimes I worry that I’m not saying it enough, but then I worry that if I say it too much you’ll get annoyed!! But actually that probably wouldn’t happen, you’re good at telling people when you’re uncomfortable or annoyed, which is awesome! Super transparent, blunt and to the point, that’s how I like my Wakatoshi! It’s really late and I shouldn’t be awake, I’m writing this by phone light so I don’t wake up Eita, to be honest. So yeah! Anyway! Thanks so much for being my best friend, Wakatoshi! The year is almost over but I’m excited to play with you again next year! Here’s to lots more volleyball and hanging out! (￣▽￣)ノ

+

Tendou,  
Thank you for inviting me over tonight. I did not expect your dorm room to be so messy, but I hope you don’t feel too guilty for it. After all, you share the space with Semi, so part of the blame falls on him as well. If you ever need help cleaning up, let me know, I’d be more than happy to help if it means you’d have a healthier living space. The point of this letter is not to talk about the cleanliness of your dorm, I apologize. I wanted to say that I enjoyed our time together. I feel like I know you much better after this one evening. I did not follow most of what you were saying about your manga, but it’s always nice to see someone passionate about something. I believe passion is something that all people should have, regardless of what it is for. Despite not understanding, I would be happy to spend time with you again. Maybe we could make this a weekly event? Though I’m not sure if you want to share all of your manga reading time with someone like me who doesn’t understand it or share the same enthusiasm. Surely you must have another friend that would be able to engage in conversation about it. Regardless, it was a pleasure to share that with you. When you said that I am your ‘best friend’ I felt quite surprised, but also very lucky. You are very important to me and I value our friendship very much, Tendou. I apologize that I haven’t adjusted to calling you by your given name yet, but I will try to use it more often. This letter will join the others in my desk, but I look forward to the coming year. I look forward to spending more time together.

\-----

Welcome to second year, Wakatoshi-kun~! ( ° ∀ ° )ﾉﾞ  
Did you get taller over the summer?? Of course you did! I think I did too! I’m really nervous about new classes this year, I hope they aren’t too much more difficult. Homework was annoying enough last year, but I heard from the third years that second year gets waaaaay harder. Maybe they’re just trying to scare us, but if they aren’t, then I’m probably gonna be needing help a lot this year. Mind helpin’ me out with math? It’s still my worst subject! I can help you with english in return! Or, y’know, we can just do what we usually did at the end of last year, hang out in each others dorms. But hey, let’s talk about the new first years! Feels kinda cool to be veterans, huh? They looked totally nervous, how weird is it to think we were in their place a year ago? That was us! (Well, minus the really bad haircut on the short one, the setter. What’s his problem? I’ll have to crack him at some point, I’ll get him figured out~) I’m totally going to give you this letter this time! I didn’t last year because I was nervous, I was a big chicken, but this year will be different! It’s gonna be an awesome year, we’re gonna hang out a lot and play so much volleyball our hands almost fall off! (Don’t take that literally, Wakatoshi, I know you will but I promise I don’t actually want our hands to fall off, that would suck a lot.) (~˘▽˘)~

+

Satori,  
It was very nice to see you again after the summer break. I believe you got taller, either that or you’ve somehow managed to get your hair spiked even higher. Either way, it’s encouraging to know that, despite your strange eating habits, you’ve grown and matured. I doubt that that maturity will translate very much in your jokes and personality, though I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I appreciate your childlike take on life, it’s refreshing. I’m sure it will show more in your ability to play volleyball. Granted, I was able to see a bit of that during our first night of practice, but I’m excited to see you continue to improve as the year goes on. Speaking of practice, I’m surprised that the new setter did not snap back at you when you poked fun at him. The rest of us knew that you meant it in good fun, but I think you may want to avoid using him as your target. Be careful, we don’t want to immediately scare away new players. Of course, I know that you just want to be their friends, and I believe that if you show them your true honest self, the Satori that I know, the Satori that shows himself when we spend time together, you will continue to make strong and long-lasting friendships. I would like to actually give you this letter this time. I wrote some last year but I’m sure they were lost somewhere amidst the process of moving. Regardless, I am looking forward to another year with you.

\-----

Wakatoshi-kun,  
I totally failed to give you that letter last week. (；￣Д￣) I stuffed it away with the others from last year, and now they’re sitting in this journal I just bought today. I guessed that it’d probably be less messy if I put everything in one place. I dunno why I have the urge to write these things, I could tell you all of this in person, and I usually tell you everything, but for some reason I get super nervous sometimes, especially when I want to tell you how important you are to me. Like… when we spend time together my palms get all sweaty and I have a hard time focusing on anything besides you. I guess that’s the sign of a really strong friendship, right? ┐(︶▽︶)┌ I can give you all of my attention, no matter what. And it kinda seems like you do the same thing back, so it’s likely that you feel the same way, right? Feelings are confusing, Wakatoshi-kun. They’re confusing and weird but at least I can mindlessly write in this journal and get it out of my system! Maybe someday I’ll get the motivation to tell you what you mean to me, but first I gotta figure out how to say it. It’s a feeling I don’t really know how to phrase, but it makes me feel like I’m living on top of the world! You’re so important to me, Wakatoshi! I hope I can show you that, and if I don't, then I need to work harder! <(￣︶￣)>

+

Satori,  
I’m ashamed to admit that I was unable to hand you my note last week. In that moment, I felt as if it was pointless. If I cannot tell you something directly in person, then it would be irresponsible for me to do it this way, I’m certain it would not mean as much. Because of this, I’ve opted for a journal. I find it difficult to hold these words inside my head, and it helps me sleep at night if I’m able to jot them down on paper. Even if you never see this, which I assume you won’t, I am content knowing that I can sleep easier, and that I will not make you uncomfortable. I never know what I’m trying to express, I just feel that there’s a weight on my tongue that I cannot get rid of. It’s been there for months now, and I wish I could figure out what it is, why I feel so nervous when we’re together. The nerves are not bad, they’re just powerful, and I desperately wish I knew what to do in order to get them under control. You’ve always been good at expressing yourself and your feelings, and that’s a skill I wish I could learn from you. It would be much too strange to ask you for help with that, I’m sure, but I hope that continuing to spend time with you will help me develop that skill.

\-----

I’ve decided to start addressing you directly, journal. Or myself, I guess. (*￣▽￣)b I’m not gonna give Wakatoshi these notes, I can’t do it, it’s too awkward! It’s okay, anyway, we’re best friends and we tell each other everything and anything I write down I can totally say to his face! Today I’m writing because a really awesome thing happened! Finally! Tanji told me I can be a regular on the team now! I had to work really hard at practice today, but he told me if I proved myself then I’d get the spot. And I did! It felt soooo good, standing next to Eita, Wakatoshi, and the third years! I have to keep working really hard but it’s gonna be great! Sitting on the sidelines and watching is fun but it’s even better to be in it, knocking down the other team’s spikes and teasing them (but not too much, otherwise the ref will get angry!), high-fiving everyone when we get a point, it’s all so much more fun! And everyone was so happy to have me in there too, the third years kept complimenting me and telling me I deserved it, Eita tossed to me a couple times, that was cool! And Wakatoshi-kun said he was proud of me! I think that was the best, ‘cause when he said it I felt like I could take on an entire country all by myself. Wakatoshi is one of the best volleyball players I know, and if he’s proud of me then I know I must be unstoppable! As long as he’s not just saying it because he’s my friend. But I don’t think he’d do that, he’s too honest for that. Anyway, it was a really good day! I’m going to bed now, there’s an anime I’ve been wanting to watch for weeks, so I’m gonna start that! Unless Wakatoshi wants to watch too… maybe I should invite him, or! We could hang out sometime this week and watch it! Okay I’m thinking too much again, it’s anime time! (￣ω￣; )

+

I’m going to start recording my thoughts every day in this journal. I’d previously bought it to write notes to someone that I never intended to give them to, but I’ve decided that that’s a very pointless move. I still think it’s important for me to express my thoughts, but now I will be doing it with no specific audience. Today, Satori was given a regular spot on the team. We’re all very happy for him, and we know that our team’s strength will only improve. He’s an impressive blocker, one of the scariest I know. Being on the opposite side of him is terrifying, I think it’s because he’s learned how to read me almost perfectly, he knows the way I play and he will block my spikes, without fail. It’s frustrating, but luckily I can call him my teammate. When I told him I was proud of him, he looked quite shocked, which surprised me. Have I not made it clear to him in the past that I am proud of him? I don’t often say it, but I assume that my actions will suffice. It’s possible that I’m wrong, and that I should be saying it a lot more. I am extremely proud of Satori, for his determination and desire to play even with his troubled past. I find him inspiring, in a lot of ways. He makes me want to work even harder, because if someone like him can move beyond his past and flourish, surely someone like me can as well. He’s strong, not just physically but mentally as well. I feel like I know him quite well, but there are some days where I wish I could know him on an even deeper level. I don’t know what that means or what that would look like, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about quite often recently. I won’t mull over it too long tonight, as it’s almost bedtime. But it’s certainly something I need to explore and figure out.

\-----

We crushed it today!! (☆▽☆) First place! Can you believe it?! Well, I can, just because I think our team is unstoppable! Eita’s tosses were perfect, my blocks were quick (ok so I messed up a couple times), and Wakatoshi’s spikes were so strong I thought they might crack the gym floor! The other teams were toast, I kinda wish they were stronger competition. But winning feels so good! Nationals will be here before we know it, and we’re gonna crush that too, I bet! Eita is starting to yell at me to turn my phone off because he can’t sleep but I’ll turn down the brightness so I can still keep writing. It was such a good day, I feel like my words won’t be enough! So here’s some little emoticon stickers that I bought at the store the other day: ( ✧Д✧) ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆ ヽ(*⌒∇⌒*)ﾉ ✧ ─=≡Σ((( つ•̀ω•́)つ Yeah! That’s what today felt like! And on the bus ride back to school, Wakatoshi sat next to me. He usually does, but he was smiling! Well, I’ve seen him smile before, a lot, but I dunno… seeing him smile like that while the sun was setting in the distance… ah, no, this is weird. I should be sleeping right now, goodnight! (￣o￣) zzZZzzZZ

+

Today was the Miyagi Prefecture Playoffs. As expected, we took first place. Shiratorizawa is a force to be reckoned with, I’ve always known this even before being accepted into the school. Today, we played even better than we usually do. I’m not sure if it was the loud cheering of the crowd, or Semi’s perfectly placed tosses, or even Satori’s fighting spirit, but I feel we played at our best today. My legs are a bit sore but that’s always a good sign, I think. It means I’ve worked hard and done my best without harming my body. Satori told me that his arms hurt and his calves are burning, but I reminded him that he should be taking pre-game stretches much more seriously. He usually becomes distracted with some sort of song stuck in his head, or an urge to joke with another teammate. Regardless, he played very well today, and his blocks were crucial to our victory. Our team is very fortunate to have him. On the bus ride home, he told me he’s excited for our next match. It made me feel happy, hearing him say that. I’m excited too.

\-----

So, turns out, Wakatoshi is **really** bad at video games, who’da thought?! ┐(￣∀￣)┌ We had a second year’s bonding session tonight in Hayato’s room, he’s so lucky he has a TV and game systems, his parents are probably rich or something. Oh well! We’re friends so I can go play games whenever, I guess. But anyway! We got to pick teams, so of course I chose Wakatoshi, because I figured he’d be good at video games, he’s usually good at everything he tries! But nope. Bad choice, I guess. It’s like he didn’t know which buttons did what, even though he went through the tutorial! He just looked confused the entire time, his eyebrows were all scrunched up and he looked like he was trying to solve a super complex science formula or something. Except if that were the case, he’s totally be able to do it. So why can’t he play video games?! It’s okay, he’s still my best friend, but next time I know not to pick him as my partner! ...Actually, no, that makes me sad, I definitely want him as my partner! He’s the best partner, maybe we can steal Hayato’s system and practice sometime! ( ˘▽˘)っ Yeah, next time we hang out, we’re gonna perfect our play style, for sure!

+

Tonight we had a second year’s bonding night in Yamagata’s dorm room. I believe that’s what they called it, though it was really just all the second years squeezing into his dorm to play video games. I don’t understand the hype over video games, and I’m not very good at them. I felt a bit guilty when Satori chose me as his partner. I wish I could have played better for his sake, because I know he values winning. He tried to teach me, and I watched the tutorial on the game, but it was still difficult for me to wrap my head around all those buttons and the combinations that make up different fighting moves. It’s a lot to remember. Regardless, I had a nice time. Satori is very enthusiastic about video games, and it was enjoyable to watch him and everyone else get so excited over them. Playing at his side made me value him even more as a teammate, because of his patience and support regardless of someone’s skill. I lost every game, and yet he was always there to give me a high-five and offer to help me learn yet again. Maybe it’s silly to equate these traits to anything beyond video game tournaments, but I admire these things about him. I admire a lot of things about Satori, and it feels like more and more things pop up every single day.

\-----

Today was bad. I snapped at Wakatoshi, he snapped at me, and we had an argument. I didn’t like it, I didn’t want it to happen, but for some reason my feelings were like… on adrenaline or something. I was angry at him but I was even angrier at myself. I didn’t want to hurt him, I never want to hurt him, ever, not in a million years. But when he told me I needed to be more serious, it hurt for some reason. I know he’s right, I know I need to focus more on my homework and my classes, but it’s so much easier to ignore it and do fun things instead. School is boring!! Volleyball is fun, but I hate that I have to get good grades to keep playing! Wakatoshi is lucky, he’s smart and dedicated and he does his homework, he gets up early every day and eats a good breakfast and doesn’t even get sleep-eyed once, not all day. I dunno how he does it. And when I told him he was lucky, he took it bad for some reason. But he is! He’s so good at everything! He’s perfect! And I’m not. I wish he knew how much I wish I was like him. <strike>I wish he knew how much I liked him.</strike> I wish he knew how much I care. Maybe he doesn’t think I do, especially after today. I feel so stupid!! I shouldn’t have yelled at him. It was dumb, I’m dumb, I feel like I don’t deserve to talk to him ever again. He doesn’t need me around, I’ll just break his focus and distract him. I can’t bring him down anymore. I’m gonna start hanging out with Eita a lot. Hayato too. I know I should do homework instead, but I don’t care. The year is almost over and it’s ending bad. I can’t believe I hurt my best friend like that.

+

Satori and I made a mistake today. We allowed a homework session to get out of hand. I wanted to focus on the work, Satori wanted to focus on his phone. I’m still frustrated, more at myself than him. I don’t know why Satori would have the impression that I am ‘lucky’ in any way. When he said that, it felt like he was disregarding all of my hard work, all of the steps I’ve made to get to the place I am now. I am disciplined because I have taught myself to be, because I know that’s what it takes to be successful. I do not have time to waste on the things that he does. I realize now that I write this just how disrespectful it may sound. Satori’s appreciation for the fun things in life is something that I admire about him. Sometimes I wish I could learn how to be so free-spirited, but I don’t feel like it’s in my blood. Lately, I’ve been wondering if I’m a bad influence on him. I know that I encourage him to focus on school and homework, but I also know that he doesn’t care for those things. I believe he should care more about them, but maybe it’s worthless to push that. After all, Satori is much different than me. I don’t know if my presence in his life is crushing his creative spirit, but if that is the case, maybe I should back off. I would never forgive myself if I put a damper on his enthusiasm. I’m beginning to feel a lot of confusing things when I’m around him, and it’s a bit scary. Things that I don’t understand tend to be scary. But maybe that’s not true. After all, Satori is someone that I often don’t understand, but I don’t find him scary at all. In fact, I find him -- Nevermind, it doesn’t matter. I should be sleeping this unfortunate night off. I hope tomorrow is easier.

\-----

Summer is over!!! Third year is already here!? ∑(O_O;) It’s so weird to be a Shiratorizawa veteran now, all the first and second years seem so small! Even the new volleyball club members, most of them kept looking at me like I might suddenly grow a third eye or something. That would be kinda cool but probably not very practical! Anyway! There’s a lot of cool first years, one of them has a bowl cut, which is obviously the best hairstyle ever (no matter what Eita says) so he already gets bonus points from Tendou-senpai! He called me that today, it was awesome. I still can’t get Kenjirou to call me senpai!!! Rude. And Taichi hardly ever acknowledges me unless he’s telling a joke that will outdo mine or if I have food to give him, what a bad kouhai!! (╥_╥) Bowl cut boy is my savior! Now if only I could remember his name… oops. It’s only the first day, I’ll get it down! So, I didn’t really talk to Wakatoshi most of the summer… I was scared he would never wanna talk or hang out again after our bad argument. But I missed him so much!! I have other friends and I had a lot of fun with them but there’s something about Wakatoshi that makes me feel really good. I don’t know why or what that is, but either way, I missed him. I finally texted him halfway through the summer and asked if we could talk. We did, and we hung out a couple times. I think maybe he’s still kinda hurt by what I said. We’ve moved past it, and we can have fun together again, but things feel so much more tense… like I’m walking a fine line. I have pretty good balance, I think, but not **that** good. I dunno! I still wanna be Wakatoshi’s best friend, and I think we still are, it’s just kinda strange right now. But hey, it’s third year! We’re the big guys on campus now! There’s no way it’ll be a bad year. (⌒▽⌒)☆

+

It’s strange to know that summer is over and my third year at my dream school has already started. It doesn’t feel much different, being a third year. I suppose the one thing that has changed is my status in the volleyball club. I’ve been given the title of captain, which is something I admittedly wanted, but also have a difficult time knowing how to handle. I am good at offering technical advice and helping my team play at their best, but I sometimes struggle with knowing how to encourage them, or cheer them on. That’s always been Satori’s specialty, it seems. However, Jin has been given the title of vice captain, and I believe that title was well deserved. He will be able to fill any aspect of the leadership role that I feel I can’t. This summer was strange. I spent some of my time volunteering at a botanical garden, while also continuing regular volleyball sessions. I did not spend much time with friends, which is not too different from my typical summer. However, I found myself missing Satori much more than usual. I admit that after our argument I tried to distance myself, for fear that I would be holding him back from being himself and living the way he wants to. I was surprised when he texted me and wanted to see me. We did not discuss the argument very much, but he made it clear that he felt very bad. I told him I did as well, but I’m not sure that I properly expressed it. It’s difficult for me to know sometimes if I’m making my emotions clear. I’m still feeling strange things around him, it’s an odd tension that is both terrifying but also intriguing. All I know is that I do not want to hurt him ever again. Satori is so important to me, and I hope that we, and the rest of the team, have another strong year together.

\-----

Tanji isn’t screwin’ around this year, that’s for sure. My legs hurt! My arms hurt! My entire body feels like it’s going to crack into a thousand pieces! (×_×)⌒☆ I’ll become a human jigsaw puzzle! That might be a cool way to go, huh? When I die, years and years and years from now, I want to be turned into a jigsaw puzzle. And then put me in a box, put it on Tanji’s desk, and tell him he has to put me back together. He’ll probably still be alive, I’m convinced he’s immortal! Wakatoshi doesn’t believe me, he says that’s ‘impossible’ but whatever, there’s a lot of things that are impossible and still happen anyway. Like Eita getting a boyfriend! Never thought that was possible, but here we are! Okay but actually, I wanted to empty some annoying thoughts from my head. I’m starting to have a really hard time focusing during practice, and it’s Wakatoshi-kun’s fault. <strike>I can’t believe how strong his thighs are wait no I mean his legs have gotten a lot more muscular and UGH how do i say this without being creepy I have no idea</strike> Basically it’s really obvious that he was working out over the summer, and it’s not fair! He’s so built this year!! Who gave him that right?! I mean, Reon beefed up during the summer too, but like… well… why is it different with Wakatoshi? (*/。＼) I’m asking myself questions in my own journal, I think I’m going crazy or something. Anyway, all I’m saying is it’s really obvious that Wakatoshi worked hard over the summer, and I’m proud of him! He really needs a haircut, his bangs keep hanging over his eyes and he does this <strike>cute</strike> weird little hair flip thing to get them out of his face while we’re playing, does he not realize he should cut them?! Maybe I should tell him, maybe I’ll offer to cut them myself. Did he get more tan, too??? I think so, he has a farmer’s tan this year, why does he have a farmer’s tan, oh Wakatoshi-kun, you dork. Earlier when I went to high-five him he was smiling and I saw some freckles on his cheeks… not a lot, not like me, but just a few dark ones that probably popped up from him being in the sun. <strike>They’re kinda cute</strike> Well, my brain is going to weird places and I probably need to sleep instead of laying awake at 1 AM, so I’m going to go to bed now, goodnight! (( _ _ ))..zzzZZ

+

The school year is well underway, and of course coach Washijou has upped his expectations for the team this year. Last year we did very well at tournaments and nearly took first at nationals. He wants us to actually take it this year, and so he expects us to work much harder every day. Thankfully, we’re all stepping up to the challenge. I believe everyone on the team is playing at their absolute best, but I’m sure that it is quite exhausting for a lot of them. Satori in particular has been spending a lot of time laying on the gym floor after practice, complaining about how sore he is. I have told him many times that if he took warm-up stretches more seriously, his body would be able to handle things better. Regardless, I can tell that he’s been working much harder. I have noticed he’s developed a lot more muscle, especially in his legs. They’re especially prominent when he’s about to attempt a block, though I find it strange that I would know that. I’m always paying close attention to the ball, to the game itself, so there’s no reason that I would be focusing on Satori’s muscles, of course. But I believe his arms have developed more muscle as well. Sometimes during practice he will roll his sleeves up. I do not know where I was going with that thought. His skills have improved as well. His blocks are much more accurate, most of the time, and he’s able to dash around much quicker than he was last year. He’s also much louder. I’m sure that being one of the team veterans has gone to his head at least a little bit, but I know he takes his position as upperclassman very seriously. He wants to be there for his teammates, both old and new, and I’ve always thought that he’s been great at that. His noise never bothers me, though it seems to get under some people’s skin. I don’t really understand why it would, he’s just being enthusiastic about the things he likes, the people he’s friends with, and the life he’s living. There’s nothing wrong with that. We all express joy differently. For me, I find it easiest to express it by approaching everything in life with my best effort. For Satori, he wants everyone to know how much he loves things, and he wants everyone to feel that love too. He’s a good person, a wonderful friend, and I think he’s helped me to discover joy in many things that I never paid much attention to before. I just realized what time it is. My mind is still full of thoughts, but I should try to sleep before it gets much later.

\-----

<strike>I think I might be in love with</strike>  
<strike>Okay so it’s probably kinda weird but I think</strike>  
<strike>Hey! Just dropping in to say that I like my best friend and</strike>  
Alright, fine. I like Wakatoshi-kun. (*/_＼) I like him! A lot! I think about kissing him sometimes! But can you blame me?! He’s perfect! He’s so cute that I have a hard time focusing during practice! Wakatoshi-kun wants us to win all the time but he should realize that he’s being distracting every single time he does literally anything. And if he’d stop lifting his shirt to wipe sweat off his face, that’d be great! Actually, no, I want him to keep doing that, is that weird? UGH he’s hot! (ノ_<。) Wakatoshi-kun is hot, and I want to feel his muscles! I mean, I do sometimes, he doesn’t seem to mind when I touch him or lean up against him, he’s always really comfortable with it, which is really confusing!? Like, does he like me too? If he did, wouldn’t be tell me? Wakatoshi is always bluntly saying everything he thinks or feels, so of course he would tell me if he likes me. That’s crazy, I’m definitely probably not his type, right? What would Wakatoshi’s type be? WAIT, how have we never talked about this before?! I’ve mentioned thinking girls from movies are cute, because they are, but he never really says much about it. Maybe he doesn’t like girls? Maybe he thinks I only like girls, not guys? (ﾉ_；) This is confusing, I’m so confused, why is Wakatoshi so confusing? Just when I think I know him really really really well, that’s when I figure out how strange his lack of commentary on crushes is. Has he ever liked somebody? If so, whoever that is should feel super lucky. Wakatoshi would be an awesome boyfriend, I bet. He’s a really good friend, at least. And that’s good enough, right? Besides, I would never wanna lose what me and him have, he’s my best friend and that’s good enough. It kinda has to be.

+

I decided to explore and acknowledge some of the feelings I’ve been trying to hide from myself recently. I think they’ve been there for some time now, but I was too confused to deal with them before today. I’m not sure how things like this work, but I think I might have feelings for Satori. Some people call it a crush, but I’m not entirely sure why they would use that word. I would never want to crush Satori in any way, I just have feelings towards him that are both complex and surprisingly simple. I’ve never been in any romantic relationship, so I’m not sure how it’s handled or approached, but I think I might be interested in trying something like that with him. We are best friends, of course, first and foremost. And that is what I value most, over everything else. But I do feel something odd and warm inside of me when he gets up close, rests his head on my shoulder, or brushes his skin up against mine. I assume he’s not really doing these things with any purpose; he’s always been very affectionate and it’s never bothered me. Especially not lately, as I’ve been enjoying it more and more. I am hesitant to let him know how I feel, because I don’t know how he’d react. He has talked about finding some actresses attractive, so I can only assume that his interest lies in people like that. I am certainly not a cute actress, so I would most likely not be on his radar. I should not assume things, I know that’s immature, but I also do not want to harm our friendship. I’m happy being his best friend, and that will always be good enough for me. I would be a liar if I said I weren’t interested in exploring deeper connections, but I can’t be certain he’d feel the same. Communication would be best, but I'm scared of this entire thing. It’s like Satori has told me, things we don’t understand can be scary. I don’t understand my feelings, and I find them very overwhelming. They sound quite clear when I write them out, but in my head they are very intense. I have acknowledged them, which I believe is a big step, but I am not comfortable acting out on them yet.

\-----

I’m not gonna write much tonight. We lost today, we don’t even get to go to nationals. I’m sad we aren’t, but I’m more upset for Wakatoshi’s sake. He really wanted this, he wanted to take us to nationals in our third year and win the entire thing. Tanji wanted it too, and he was very clear about that, but I think the rest of us wanted it just as much or more than he did. I didn’t cry at the stadium, not on the bus ride home, not even during stretches when we got back to school. But now I am. I didn’t want to when I was around my friends, it makes me feel weak and vulnerable when I cry around people, even the ones I trust the most. I can’t imagine how Wakatoshi’s feeling right now. Maybe I should go check on him? No, that probably wouldn’t be good. He needs space, that’s how he is when he’s sad. I’ll ask him how he’s doing tomorrow, that’ll be good enough. As much as I want to save him from the bad thoughts and feelings, I know I don’t have that power, but I wish I did.

+

This will be a brief entry. I’m feeling very disappointed, not in my team, just in the situation. I don’t want to speak on the game today, it’s over and done with and there’s no reason to dwell on what’s already set in stone. I handed off my title of captain today, I think Shirabu will perfectly fill the role. I wish I was better at words, because I wanted to tell each and every one of my teammates how important they are to me. I have a difficult time expressing those things, and I was a bit worried at first when Goshiki started crying after I spoke directly to him. It didn’t take much to realize he’s just being Goshiki, he cries fairly often. Satori is always there to comfort him. I wonder if Satori is feeling okay. He seemed content on the way back to school, I know this sport is less about winning to him and much more about fun. I still can’t help but wonder if he’s taking it hard. I could go check on him, or send him a text, but I don’t want to bother him if he’s dealing with it on his own. Maybe he’s already asleep, and maybe I should be too.

\-----

It’s been weeks since we lost to Karasuno, I’m pretty much over it now so it’s not a big deal. But you know what IS a big deal? The end of the year is soon!! Graduation will be here before we know it!! This is both good and bad!! ｡･ﾟ･(ﾉД`) Good because I’ll be done with high school and I can move on to university, or maybe not, I haven’t decided yet, but I should probably get on that, huh? Well, it’s also bad because I still haven’t told Wakatoshi how I feel. Do I tell him?? Do I not tell him? It’s so hard!! I can’t believe he still hasn’t dated anyone all three of these years, and I still haven’t brought the subject up to him?! (＃＞＜) This is bad, this is really bad. Well, maybe it’s not so bad. Wakatoshi doesn’t need the extra drama and stress of finding out that his best friend of three years is totally into him and wants to kiss him, right? He’s gotta focus on bigger and better things, like finishing up his classes and applying to university (more like choosing which one he wants, he’s constantly getting offers for scholarships). And I do too! I gotta focus on me, and he’s gotta focus on him. Volleyball is over for me, which worries me a little bit. Does this mean me and Wakatoshi won’t have a common interest to bond over anymore? What if I lose all these friends I’ve made over the years? If I don’t have volleyball, do I really even have a second family? Ah, I don’t want to think about this too much. I’ll make myself sad again, and I can’t do that right now because I have this pile of homework for math class!! Maybe I’ll ask Wakatoshi for help, he probably needs help too, probably with english. Yep, I’m gonna run over there and see him! ε=ε=┌( >_<)┘

+

I’m starting to worry that these feelings I have towards Satori will not go away. I thought that, maybe, acknowledging them would help me move on and forget about them. On the contrary, I think they’ve only gotten stronger. Of course, Satori is partly to blame, though I know he’s not trying to make me feel like this. He’s been even more affectionate and talkative lately, and when he does these things I find it very difficult to not reciprocate in some way. I wish I knew how to passively touch him in a way that would let him know that I like him. He’s quite good at these things, though I’m sure his actions are purely subconscious. He’s touchy with almost everybody on the team, so it’s not something that I alone get to see. Still, the other day when he had his chin on my shoulder, he was talking right in my ear, and when he laughed at his own joke I felt his breath on my neck. I would be lying if I said that that didn’t make me feel things in the pit of my stomach. Good things, not bad. But also confusing things. I know graduation will be here before we know it, and I know I should tell him soon if I’m going to. I don’t know if there’s any point, I’m not certain that he’ll want to keep in contact after high school. I hope that he does, but --  
Sorry, I am finishing this up a couple hours later. Satori came by my room and wanted help with math. This was good timing, because I also needed help with english. I’m glad he came by, lately I find that I miss him when we aren’t around each other. Even if we’ve spent an entire day together, I miss him when I return to my dorm at night. It probably sounds strange, but it’s how I feel, and I want to start being more honest with myself about my feelings.

\-----

It’s graduation day???!! ∑(O_O;) This year flew by! I’m really excited but also really nervous… I hope I don’t fall during the ceremony, but maybe that would be kinda funny if I did. Maybe I’ll trip Eita. Nah, I won’t do that, he’s been dealing with my shit all year. I really do appreciate him as a friend, I appreciate all my friends and I hope they’ll still wanna hang out and talk after high school. As for this journal? I’ve decided to retire you, I’m so sorry! There’s a lot of feelings in here that I need to let go of, especially the things about Wakatoshi. I don’t know what I’ll do with it, probably toss it in the trash as I’m packing up my things. You’ve been good to me, journal. Sorry I dropped you in the toilet that one time! Dunno why I thought writing in the bathroom was a good idea, but you’re a trooper!! Okay, I need to meet up with my friends now. Here’s to a new chapter in life, even though it’s really really scary right now!! (º □ º l|l)

+

Today is graduation, and the last day I will be using this journal. I have decided to let go of the things I feel towards Satori, and I believe that getting rid of this journal is the first step towards doing that. I have enjoyed writing in these pages every day, though keeping it a secret has been a bit difficult. Satori likes to barge in with no warning sometimes, but I got quite good at immediately hiding this book when he does. I have packed up almost all of my things, and I am ready to move when school is over. I’ll be attending a prestigious university in Tokyo, on a full ride volleyball scholarship. I had multiple offers, but this one seemed like the best fit. I will miss my friends and this area, but I know that it’s time to move on. I’m sure we will all keep in contact, but it’s possible that I will never see many of them again. I hope Satori is not included in that, but if he is then that’s okay. I know he has his own life to live, and I don’t necessarily have to fit into that. I have to go now, it’s time to move on to a new chapter in life.

**\-----**

“We have a problem.”

Semi is standing in Reon’s doorway, holding a tattered and weathered book in his hands. Reon looks at it, looks back up at Semi with wide eyes.

“Is that… a journal?”

Semi raises an eyebrow, “Yes…? How did you know that?”

Oh, Reon knows. He knows because he’d found an almost identical one on Ushijima’s desk just this morning. He steps out of the way, beckoning Semi inside before shutting and locking the door behind him.

“I had a feeling,” Reon gives one of his trademark knowing smiles, “is it Satori’s?”

“Yeah,” Semi scoffs, “how the hell are you so psychic?”

“I’m not,” Reon laughs, gestures towards Ushijima’s desk, “but look.”

Semi’s eyes move past Reon, settling on a very similar journal resting on the desk’s surface.

“Is that…?”

“A journal?” Reon repeats, gesturing towards the object, “Go see for yourself.”

Semi complies, and when he does he flips quickly through the pages, groaning and mumbling curses to himself.

“Two whole years,” Reon deadpans, “he’s liked him for two whole years.”

“Well guess what,” Semi tosses the journal he’d brought in towards Reon, “he’s not the only one.”

Reon doesn’t need to peruse the worn pages of this journal. He’d have a hard time reading Tendou’s handwriting anyway. But he knows, he’s always known. He thinks everyone on the team has known, ever since the first day Tendou had started hanging out with Ushijima.

“But we knew that,” he laughs, “he’s not exactly subtle.”

He reads through some of the pages anyway, realizing that he’d never expected the crush to get this strong. He hadn’t expected it with Ushijima either, and yet…

“So what do we do?” Semi suddenly asks, slamming the journal shut and breaking Reon from his focus, “How do we handle this?”

“Handle what?” Reon shuts Tendou’s journal too, setting it next to Ushijima’s.

“This!” Semi gestures wildly to both books, “They’ve liked each other for two whole years and they’ve never acted on it? Reon, we have a prime opportunity right now.”

Well, it’s true that they do. Reon would be lying if he said he hadn’t considered the idea of helping Ushijima tell Tendou how he really feels. He’d stopped that idea before it got too big, because he too wasn’t sure how it would affect their friendship.

But now… now there’s hardly any reason not to help them out.

“Well…” he starts, clearing his throat, “we could talk to each of them and encourage them to tell one another.”

“Nope,” Semi shakes his head, “Satori would be convinced that we were lying.”

“Okay. Then maybe we show him Ushijima’s journal as proof?”

“Yeah,” Semi scoffs, “that’ll go over well. Then he’ll want to read the entire thing and totally go overboard and invade Wakatoshi’s privacy.”

“But isn’t that what we just did?” Reon raises an eyebrow.

“That’s not the point!” Semi shoots that down, waving his hand in the air again, “We gotta do something about this, we have to. I wouldn’t forgive myself if I watched them move to different cities and never talk about this.”

Reon, while a bit hesitant, has to agree. He’d love to see them get together, he’s always thought it would be a good fit. They make each other so happy that it seems like a waste if they don’t give it a shot. He’s never seen Ushijima smile as much as he does when Tendou is around.

“Alright,” he nods, “so let’s do something they can’t escape from.”

Semi smirks, “I like it.”

**\-----**

Ushijima has found himself in a strange situation, and he’s surprised that, for once, Tendou isn’t the one behind it.

No, he’d been approached by Reon, one of his closest friends and teammates, who insisted that he needed to show him something in the locker room. He had no idea what that could be. A locker room is, well, a locker room, and it’s not like they’re been inside of it for a couple weeks now. Volleyball is over, and he’s not sure why Reon would be visiting the gymnasium in the first place.

Regardless, Ushijima follows him, getting more and more curious the closer he gets to the very familiar space. Reon doesn’t offer any kind of explanation, not even when they step through the locker room doors.

Ushijima stands there, looking around the room and then back at Reon.

“What did you need to show me?”

Reon opens his mouth to say something, closes it, and then laughs nervously, “It’s, uh, well…”

“I don’t see anything,” Ushijima continues looking around, checking inside the showers for good measure, “I really should get back to packing, if there’s nothing to see.”

“No, its,” Reon leans against the locker room door, offering Ushijima a sympathetic stare, “look, Wakatoshi. I found your journal.”

“My -- “ Ushijima’s heart stops, his palms sweat, “that’s private.”

“I know,” Reon groans, “I know that, Wakatoshi, I’m sorry. You left it on your desk, I thought maybe it was a textbook that you hadn’t returned yet, then I looked inside and… I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to invade your privacy.”

Ushijima’s throat is tight and he feels like the room might be spinning; he wants to let Reon know how disappointed he is, how he never expected his close friend to do this to him. Truthfully, most of the journal is harmless, and he wouldn’t care too much if his friends read it. But the parts about Satori are… well…

“What did you see?” Ushijima asks, though he’s nervous to find out.

“Not much,” Reon avoids Ushijima’s stare, “only enough to -- “

A knock on the door interrupts Reon mid-sentence. He steps to the side and opens it, revealing Semi and Tendou.

“What the -- hey, Wakatoshi-kun! Wait -- “ Semi shoves Tendou inside, tugging Reon out the door and shutting it behind them.

As the door slams shut, Ushijima stares at Tendou, and Tendou stares back at him. How awkward.

“Okay,” Semi calls from behind the door, “we’re locking you in, you two aren’t allowed to come out until you tell each other what’s up.”

‘What’s up’? Ushijima furrows his brows, eyeing the entryway with total confusion. Without knowing how much Reon read of his journal, he has no way of knowing just what they’re referring to. And what does Semi know? Did Reon show him the journal too? He’s frustrated that his friends would do something like this to him. And why is Tendou here?

“Welp,” Tendou takes a seat on one of the locker room benches, “this is awkward. We just graduated and now we’re being held hostage by our friends.”

Ushijima hums, finally joining Tendou on the bench. He stares straight forwards, right at the locker that used to be his.

“Sooo,” Tendou drawls, “any idea what this is about?”

He has some ideas, yes, but he hadn’t exactly expected to be shut in a room with his best friend, his crush, and told that he has to tell him ‘what’s up’ before he can leave. He’s not sure what that means. He feels stuck and overwhelmed.

“Hey,” Tendou scoots closer, resting his chin on Ushijima’s shoulder, “you alright? You’re tense, look like ya’ just saw a ghost. If you did, that’s really cool, you should’ve told me you were a ghost whisperer.”

“I would have told you,” and he definitely would have, just knowing how interested Tendou is in those sorts of things, “but I’m not.”

“Bummer,” Tendou kicks his feet, sometimes bumping one up against Ushijima’s ankle, “y’know, being a ghost might be kinda cool!”

“You would be deceased,” Ushijima narrows his eyes, glancing sideways at Tendou, “that would not be cool.”

Tendou laughs, loud and powerful enough to make his body shake, “Well, minus the death stuff! It’d be cool to do everything else ghosts do. Walking through walls, being invisible…” he stops kicking his feet, turns his body around to face Ushijima, “Wait! Important question, if you could have any superpower, which one would you pick?”

Superpowers? First they’re talking about ghosts, and now superpowers? Ushijima always has a hard time keeping up with Tendou but their conversations always prove to be interesting.

“I -- “ Ushijima starts, but Tendou stops him by holding up his finger in front of his face.

“Hold on,” he pokes Ushijima’s nose, “it can’t be related to volleyball, that’s cheating.”

Oh. Well, now he’s stumped. Ushijima thinks on it for several seconds, but comes up blank.

“I don’t know. Maybe you should answer first.”

“Mind reading,” Tendou answers easily, poking himself in the head and grinning, “I would wanna be psychic.”

As far as Ushijima’s concerned, he already thinks Tendou is. Truthfully, his ability to read everyone so closely has made Ushijima a touch uncomfortable on some occasions. It’s like he always knows what Ushijima’s thinking, like those big, enchanting, perceptive eyes can see straight through his skull. If they can, he wonders if Tendou already knows what he’s thinking right now.

“You already have that ability,” Ushijima says, finally turning his entire body to face Tendou as well, “you’ve read my mind countless times.”

“Wakatoshi-kun, you flatter me~” Tendou laughs again, “you were kinda hard to read at first, but I guess I’ve got you figured out now, huh?”

“You do.”

“So!” Tendou claps his hands together, “I said mine, now what superpower would you pick?”

“Teleportation.”

Ushijima’s voice says it before he can even process it. He’d barely thought about it for a second after Tendou had asked just now. 

“Oooh~ interesting choice!” Tendou leans closer, studying Ushijima’s face, probably trying to read his mind again, “Why’s that? You wanna be able to teleport around the court? I’m pretty sure using superpowers during a match would be illegal, Wakatoshi-kun.”

Ushijima hums, “No, that’s not it,” his eyes trace the freckles scattered across Tendou’s cheeks, the upturn of his nose, the curl of his lip. 

He’s in a dangerous predicament.

“Hmm?” Tendou tilts his head, comically raising one eyebrow, “Really? Maybe I _don’t_ quite have you figured out, Wakatoshi.”

“It would be convenient to be able to teleport all around the country,” Ushijima explains, though that’s a vague explanation of the truth. He knows why his brain offered up this particular power.

“Oh, true!” Tendou leans back, face lighting up, “You’d get to see so many things and visit so many different places! Good choice, Wakatoshi. I’ll keep my mind reading, though.”

Sometimes Ushijima wishes Tendou really _could_ literally read his mind. Maybe then he wouldn’t have to struggle so hard with the complex things he’s feeling whenever he’s alone with Tendou like this.

“So if you could teleport anywhere in the entire world, where would you go?” Tendou asks, rocking back and forth on the bench, “You answer first this time!”

Ushijima’s mouth feels dry. His feelings are in full force, and Tendou’s mannerisms are only making him fall harder and faster. Why does he have to be so genuinely charming?

“Here,” Ushijima answers quietly, breaking eye contact with Tendou to look down at his hands, “I would want to be here.”

“Eh?” Tendou makes a disappointed noise, then laughs, “Really? You’d wanna be in high school? Wakatoshi-kun, you’re weird. In the best way possible, but still. Weird.”

As perceptive as Tendou is, he doesn’t seem to be picking up what Ushijima is trying to offer. Either that or Ushijima simply isn’t very good at explaining things without stating them clearly. It’s probably the latter, he knows that.

Ushijima shakes his head, drags a hand across the old wood of the bench until his fingers collide with Tendou’s knuckles. He hears Tendou’s breath catch for a second; when he lifts his stare again, Tendou is looking at him with wide, confused eyes.

“No,” Ushijima says quietly, “Not _here_.”

“You’re being confusing, Wakatoshi,” Tendou whispers.

Ushjima’s heart is racing and his tongue feels heavy with things he wishes he knew how to express. The only thing he can do is set his anxieties aside and just do what his heart wants him to do. His heart tells him to grab Tendou’s hand, so he does. He squeezes his hand, rubs his thumb across freckled skin and bony fingers.

“Here,” he repeats, emphasizing the word with another squeeze, “with you.”

In a strange turn of events, it seems Tendou has been rendered speechless. Usually it’s almost impossible to get him to stop talking, but now he’s sitting here staring at Wakatoshi with an expression he isn’t sure how to interpret. 

“So… you would want to be here, with me, held hostage in a locker room?”

Ushijima sighs, “That’s not -- ”

“I know,” Tendou interrupts him, readjusting his hand with Ushijima’s, slowly interlocking their fingers together, “I know what you meant, Wakatoshi-kun. Just messin’ with ya’.”

Silence settles in the air, and Ushijima wonders if Tendou really _does_ know what he means. Does he understand that Ushijima values him as a friend but wants him as something more? Does he know that Ushijima fears losing him after they move away for university? Is he aware that Ushijima thinks about him constantly, dreams of holding him and listening to the sound of his voice and his laughter --

“I -- “

“Wakatoshi -- “

Both start and immediately stop when they speak at the same time. Ushijima stares at Tendou, Tendou stares back.

“You go first,” Tendou insists.

“No,” Ushijima shakes his head, “you should. I went first last time.”

Tendou appears to have no argument against that. He averts his gaze for a moment, chews on his lip but never lets go of Ushijima’s hand.

“I dunno how to say it,” he mumbles, “s’hard.”

“Say it,” Ushijima encourages him, gently squeezing his hand again.

“I -- ” Tendou laughs softly, eyes flicking back to stare into Ushijima’s again, “y’know. Uh, you’re my best friend, Wakatoshi, and… well -- okay, so -- ”

“Would you like me to go first?” Ushijima offers, suddenly feeling a bit more confident.

“Yeah,” Tendou exhales, nods, “go for it.”

“I like you,” as soon as Ushijima says it, he feels lighter than air, feels like he could say it over and over again, “I’ve liked you since second year.”

Tendou's breath comes out in a shaky exhale, “Me too,” he whispers, nervously but softly laughing, “me too, Wakatoshi-kun, that’s what I was gonna say, I just -- I got nervous, I -- ”

He doesn’t even finish his sentence. Tendou lunges forward and wraps his long arms around Ushijima’s shoulders, presses his face against his neck. Ushijima doesn’t quite expect it, but he’s thankful he does it. It gives him the opportunity to pull him into a tight hug. He’s hugged him before, but this feels different, and it feels even better.

“Really? Second year?” Tendou asks, voice muffled against Ushijima’s shirt, “How come you didn’t tell me, ya’ doof?

“You could have told me as well,” Ushijima reminds him.

“Okay, fine,” Tendou sits back up, letting Ushijima go but remaining close enough to press his forehead against his, “so we’re both a couple of losers.”

“I don’t feel like a loser,” Ushijima furrows his brows, “not with you.”

“Stop!” Tendou rolls his head back, groaning, “Stoppit, Wakatoshi-kun, you’re way too sweet, you’ll give me cavities.”

“I don’t think that’s -- ”

“I know, it’s not possible,” Tendou laughs, sits back up straight and looks at Ushijima through genuinely happy eyes, “I didn’t think it’d be possible that you’d like me, and yet, here we are -- ” his eyes go wide again, smile shifts into a tight line, “wait… did they pay you to say that? Is this a prank? Are you guys paying me back for years of pranks? Eita!” he yells.

“No,” Ushijima shakes his head and grabs Tendou’s hand again, “it’s not a prank. They didn't tell me to say anything. They just… told me to tell you how I felt.”

“So it’s real?” Tendou gestures between the two of them, “This is real right now?”

“Yes, this is real.”

Tendou grins, brighter than the sun, and suddenly Ushijima is rethinking his choice of superpower. If he could choose anything, he thinks he’d want to have the ability to see Tendou smile like this whenever he wants.

But maybe he already has that power anyway.

**\-----**

Reon  
  
Eita, what happened to Wakatoshi’s journal?  
I may or may not have taken it into my possession.  
You really gotta stop invading his and Satori’s privacy, man.  
I’m doing it for their sake, trust me.  
???  
Listen, when they end up married someday, someone’s gonna have to pull out the beginning of this thing. They’ll thank me someday.  
That’s fair. Good work.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you thought, I love any and all comments. Also feel free to reach out to me on twitter, I'd be honored if you wanted to talk to me! (esp about tendou, ushiten, or shiratorizawa in general!) ♡
> 
> art twitter: [tendouaf](http://www.twitter.com/tendouaf)  
main twitter: [ushitentxt](http://www.twitter.com/ushitentxt) (I'm most active here)  
tumblr: [tendou-satori](http://www.tendou-satori.tumblr.com)  
art blog: [kat-doodles](http://www.kat-doodles.tumblr.com)
> 
> shoutout to my carols, if u know then u know 🧘🏻♀️


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